Saving Bella
by Kapperz1212
Summary: Please come home before you make the biggest mistake of your life.'...frozen in this dead state doomed to watch as eternity passed me by, as love passed me by...I studied her as an antique, a priceless piece of a past to which I could never return.
1. Chapter 1

_Author's note- Edward's point of view of the night he left Bella in New Moon. enjoy :)_

_R&R and let me know if i'm doing good with this EPOV_

_Disclaimer- Don't own anything. _

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The rain came down hard that night, trying to wash away these terrible ideas that were about to ruin me…about to kill me. The newly wet asphalt reflected my headlights back at me. I stared blankly into the foggy distance. Why was I doing this? _Because she needed to be safe…_

A vicious earthquake of terror spilled down from my ribs as I thought of her, of my Bella. How could I do this? I couldn't ever leave Bella. I couldn't stand being away from her for a matter of hours when I had to hunt. And now? Now I was planning on moving away? Of leaving her indefinitely to live here without me, to grow, to die, and I would never get to see any of it. No more of her smiles, her laughter, her ruby cheeks, or her divine perfection. I'd be alone, lonely. Doomed not only to Hell but to walk the earth alone for the rest of forever?

And would Bella find happiness? Would she fall in love with someone else? My throat tightened painfully at the thought and a squeaky choke came from my chest.

I could only pray to convince myself that this was for the best. Because it was. She had to live. She had to have the opportunity to wash the toxic filth that I clogged her life with away.

I had caused her near death experiences ever since I had met her. The first moment she tossed her hair in my direction during biology…that should have been the end of her. But then she proceeded to be alone with me even though I would have liked to drain her of every drop of blood in her body; James found her and nearly killed her, and then Jasper almost bit her head off. What the hell was wrong with me? I loved her! How could I even stand to put her through this! I was disgusted with myself. I was endangering her.

I was the most dangerous thing in the world for Bella. Talk about being a danger magnet, I seemed to attract danger to Bella. I attracted lethal assailants to the one thing I treasured most in the entire world. My heart still drooped when I remembered back to the Phoenix Memorial Hospital room that I had lived in for a week. Her sleep in that room didn't comfort me like usual, it worried me. All I wanted was for her to wake up.

Now I was trying to wake her up from this terrible nightmare that I had thrust her into. I wanted her to wake up from this cursedly fatal relationship and live her dreams. My eyes scrunched shut as a brick wall of heat crashed behind them. I wished I had tears. I wished I were human. If only I could be like Bella then maybe I wouldn't be so dangerous to her.

Bella's pleasant eyes and flushed cheeks peeked up at me from my mind's eye. A violent sob shot up through my chest. How could I do this? I was going to die without her…

But I _had _to do this. She had to live. That was something she could never do with me. She was always having her life threatened, and now she wished to be condemned like me? Absolutely not. I refused to take away her life. I didn't have the strength to replace the glowing sunshine that beamed through Bella with the dank smoke of damnation. I wouldn't do it. And I couldn't bear to see her wasting her humanness on me. She deserved someone as bright and warm and lovely and perfect as she was.

_Why did you do this to me God? Why did you lead me to her? Why did you lead me to the only being I have ever loved…that I will ever love, knowing that I was wrong for her? And knowing that I didn't deserve her? Why torture me so? Was I really that awful in my human years? To deserve this cruel punishment? As if eternal damnation wasn't enough? Now it was necessary that I be wrenched away from the only woman that would ever hold my heart?_

Even as I would walk away from her later that night…she held my heart. She would always hold my heart. I had tied it to her wrist. No matter how many little things of me I had stolen from her…or rather hidden beneath her floorboards, my heart was tied to her wrist with a string of unbreakable devotion. She held it to her palm anytime she closed her fist and it went with her everywhere she went…no matter how far away I really was.

I was in pieces at this point. My entire back was tensing as I heaved over my steering wheel and tearlessly cried. I spun my Volvo onto the shoulder of the road. I had to gain control over myself and over my emotions before I did this. If I weren't careful she wouldn't believe me. She probably wouldn't anyways. I was a terrible liar when it came to her. Those tender chocolate orbs that sat in her face could make me crumble with just a glance.

A generic melody played annoyingly from my pocket. I flipped the phone open, Alice, of course.

"Why are you doing this?" Her voice was angry, and hurt.

"Alice, you don't understand. I'm going to end up getting her killed."

My chest fell as the words passed through my lips.

"Edward she's going to die without you!" I opened my mouth to reply but the pain in my throat was too great. "And I know that you won't be able to survive without her either!"

"I have to try."

"Edward, you're destroying everything just for the sake of being stubborn! Open your eyes and see what you're doing and all of the pain you're going to cause the both of you." Her voice was growing hysterical. "Please come home before you make the biggest mistake of your life."

"Alice…" I began. The pain that circulated through my dead veins was slowly rubbing me into the floorboards.

"Please, Edward. Don't do this." She was upset. She was going to miss Bella so much if we had to leave. Bella was the only best friend Alice had ever had. And I was about to take that away from her. She loved Bella like a sister, and more than she loved Rosalie. "Edward, I can see this. She is going to fall apart. This isn't going to do anyone any good. Please for once just listen to me!"

Her voice fell to a small whisper, "Don't do this."

I shut the phone and placed back into my pocket. My wrists rested against the fiberglass of the steering wheel as my forehead pressed into my hands. My fingers stretched through my hair.

How could I do this? Why was I doing this? What was I doing? I only had one answer.

_Saving Bella._

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Author's note- leave ur thoughts :)_


	2. Chapter 2

_Author's note: This was hard to write. I cried haha. So i hope it brings you some sort of emotion. let me know_

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I swerved back onto the road after harnessing the intense torture into a small focal point in the middle of my heart. I needed to make it to Charlie's before she did. I had just dropped off the bulging envelope that Bella had sent to Renee. The most likely contents were pictures taken from the camera that Renee had sent Bella for her birthday. As I thought back on it, the knowledge that I was in a couple of those pictures depressed my spirits even further if that was possible.

I had hidden her copies of those pictures, the plane tickets, and my lullaby CD beneath a loose wooden board in her floor earlier that day. Writing the note that I left on the kitchen table was absolutely the hardest thing I had ever done; it was sheer pain to set those eleven words onto the tabletop. I ran as fast as I could away from what I had done as that small paper floated down onto the linoleum surface.

But now, I focused on the impossible task in front of me. Convincing Bella that she no longer mattered to me, my heart shook rebelliously at the thought. Her picturesque face and fragile gaze passed behind my eyes. A valve in my heart flew open and unleashed a ferocious breath of grief into my chest. My shoulders collapsed instinctively as I whimpered from the pain.

As my Volvo pulled into Charlie's spot I felt my insides being ripped to shreds. I rested my head on the window as I waited for her truck. Perhaps she wouldn't come. Maybe Jasper had finally scared her away. If I wasn't able to send her screaming maybe my brother's near slaughter would. But I knew that wasn't true. A weighty dread thudded through me as I anticipated her arrival. If only she would stay away, avoid the one thing that threatened her livelihood constantly. If only she kept her own life at the top of her priority list. But that wasn't like my gorgeous perfect Bella. She was too selfless.

What was I doing? Destroying myself.

Why the hell was I even going to try to do this? I knew I couldn't survive without her! But she couldn't survive with me. The breath I had been holding between my ribs clawed up through my throat as I thought of even the possibility of Bella dying. I couldn't stomach it.

What had I caused? I had put the most precious thing in my world into the fists of evil so many times. All I wanted was to love her. All I wanted was to be with her forever. All I wanted was to be anything but this horrible beast that would end up getting her killed.

I had to leave. It was the only way to keep her safe, to keep her from danger. This was suicide. I sighed dejectedly and let the piercing sorrow swim through my body. I inhaled sharply and slipped on the unfeeling outer shell of my emotionally unattached counterpart. This had been the gift of my sardonic attitude and pessimistic personality; I had learned to shield my emotions. This was the only way I would be able to part with her. She would probably see right through me anyways.

I shoved my inner self down into my abdomen as an unattached expression dawned over my face. That inner self beat against my granite stomach, begging me not to do this. I pleaded with myself to change my mind. I could feel the invisible tears drowning my chest. I coughed on the swell of pain that choked its way up my throat.

Her truck pulled into the driveway and my heart plummeted. It crashed raucously into the tops of my legs and the force of impact sent chunks of it through me. The thorny and panicked pieces stung as they flew against my outer detached shell.

Oh Bella. My precious Bella. Please forgive me for this. I couldn't believe I was actually going through with this. _She has to be safe. Protect her; you'll lose her if she stays with you. And it will be your fault._

I would rather Bella live without me, than die with me, than to die at all, ever. But if she were going to die…I would rather have it be in the human way, the normal way, the natural way. I couldn't bear to even think of Bella ever departing from this world. It was the most incomprehensible loss ever. I would leave with her. I couldn't take another step on this earth if I knew she was gone.

I heard my feet clashing with the gravel before I registered the fact that I was moving towards her truck. I tugged her door open and reveled in the scent that swam from the inside of the car. My angel's blue jeans held the curves of her legs gently between their wrinkles, and my inner self sang a painful serenade to my mind's ears.

_I saw an angel in blue jeans today  
I felt that she melted all my bitterness away  
You always tried so hard to hide your wings behind your coat  
So let it be and let them free  
So you can't hover low above the ground_

_You look so tired you've got moonbeams in your eyes  
And if I believed I know you'd be the first to fly  
You always tried so hard to hide your wings behind your coat  
So let it be and let them free  
So you can't hover low above the ground_

_I'll find sunshine sometime soon_

_How can I miss anything about you  
When I miss everything about you  
I feel like I know you as well as I know the sun  
So please tell me where is my sunshine nowHow can I miss everything about you  
I feel like I know you as well as I know the sun  
And I wonder where is my sunshine now_

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Author's note- In case you're wondering that's Angel in Blue Jeans by Maroon 5. leave ur thoughts please they really help :)


	3. Chapter 3

_Author's note- R&R this story is hard to write haha reviews let me know how i'm doing_

_Thanks to my awesome beta Monkey-en-tutu for all of her help_

_Disclaimer- None is mine. _

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I grabbed her hand carefully. I could already see the apprehension behind her eyes as I asked her to take a walk with me. My heart deflated in my chest as my insides convulsed with pain. I just wanted to pull her into me and cry into her hair. I wanted to carry her away from here to a place where we could be together forever, like we wanted it to be. I wanted to take her away from everything hurtful; away from the atrocious pain I was about to cause the both of us. But I knew that staying would only cause her so much more pain in the end. This was my doing in the first place; Bella deserves so much more than what I can give her, it was my responsibility to make things right once and for all, and to give her the future my angel has always deserved.

_I __do believe it's true  
That there are roads left in both of our shoes  
If the silence takes you  
Then I hope it takes me too  
So brown eyes I hold you near  
Cause you're the only song I want to hear  
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere_

_I want to live where soul meets body_

_Where soul meets body  
Where soul meets body  
Where soul meets body_

In times of great emotion I always turned to music. It was in me, it was a part of me. At this awful point in time my mind played through my compounded playlists as a distraction. I needed something, anything to keep me from thinking about what I was about to do, about what I had to do. I sighed defeated; I had already made up my mind and there was no turning back. I loved her too much to keep her endangered by keeping her next to me, a vicious, bloodthristy monster.

I gave up trying to distract myself. I didn't think music would ebb this strong misery, but I had hoped. In truth, I knew there would be no distractions, I knew my days after this would be inflicted with a suffering of such magnitude, that it would be hard to do anything more than breathe. But I had to do this. For Bella.

I could feel her pulse thumping unevenly beneath her palm. She was nervous. She was scared. She was scared that I was going to leave. _Bella please. You have to understand. I'm doing this for you. I love you so much. Please don't hate me. Please understand. _

I would end up hurting her, like I always did. This time instead of blood, I would wrench tears from her. I always took things from her when all I wanted was to give. I wanted to give her my heart, my soul, my love, my body, my life, my eternity. But the price was too great. Bella's life was more valuable than anything I could ever give to her. So I had to leave. I stole a glance down towards her face; she was deep in thought and in worry. My unemotional shell melted away for a split second. _I love you Bella Swan. I wanted to make you my wife. I wanted to give you the world. But all I brought you was pain. So now I promise to leave. I promise to leave and never come back. _An agonizing whip of pain lashed against my stomach and I nearly doubled over.

"I promise to leave and never come back." I whispered silently. Even with superhuman ears no vampire would have been able to hear it so I was sure that she was oblivious.

We stopped a few yards into the rainy trees. Her feet made squishy sounds in the soaked underbrush as she shifted uneasily. I let her hand drop from mine. I leaned stiffly against one of the mossy trunks. Her warm eyes locked with mine and I couldn't help but stare. I wanted to pause time. Pause it here, before I did this. Before I tore us apart forever. But time never pauses, it continues, it ages. At least that's what it did naturally, normally. Not for me, time had no meaning to me. I never aged, I was stuck, frozen in this dead state doomed to watch as eternity passed me by, as love passed me by, as I let Bella pass me by.

But I had to let her go. _Please understand how much I love you Bella Swan._

I took a deep breath and immediately lost my train of thought as Bella's seductive scent tingled in my lungs. I decided to hold my breath for the rest of the time. I looked into the dark sky and tried not to listen to myself as I spoke to her. I told her we were leaving. She didn't accept that excuse and pressed for an explanation. I told her the bullshit that I had come up with earlier…Carlisle looks too young to pass for thirty-three, we have to start over sometime; we had been here for too long. I hated myself.

My insides were repositioned uncomfortably as I collected all of my emotion and shoved it into my feet. I had to keep my face clear. I had to convince her that this was real, that this was how I felt. A barbed wire tightened around my dull heart as I stared back into her face. She looked confused, and then suddenly realization lit behind her eyes.

I cleared up any facts that she may have been mistaken about by reiterating the fact than my family _and_ I were leaving. She shook her head trying to expel the cursed words she had just heard. The layered mahogany of her hair reflected the rays of the moonlight as her head turned from side to side.

Then she said she would come with us. I should have expected that response, but it still sickened me. I could see the desperation behind her plea. _God Bella, why can't you see why I'm doing this? That this is for you. This is for YOU BELLA! _I wanted to scream to her.

The cool night air was sloppy with the tense anticipation of pain that radiated from us. She should have run from me, but instead she wanted to run with me, to follow me in this forsaken life as a monster. And all I could think about…was how much I wished that everything could be that way, and how much I wanted to grab her hand and wrap my arms around her.

_Run with me Bella. Run away from here. Let's run away from this nightmare that I've created, that I've caused, the nightmare that I am. _

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_Author's note- review. pleeeeeeeease? bats eyelashes with sappy puppy dog face. how could u resist that? haha but really...leave ur thoughts_


	4. Chapter 4

_Author's note- sorry for the wait. i have to be in an extremely emotional mood to write for this story :)._

_Disclaimer._

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After a meaningless exchange of words in which she questioned my promise from Phoenix, I stood there motionless; feeling like quicksand was swallowing my legs. I tried not to breathe. Any inhale of her scent would have sent me crumbling to her feet, begging her to forgive me for even attempting this.

But I did breathe, and it had never smelled so wonderful. A pinch of pain twisted in my stomach as the sweet floral scent flooded into me. My mouth twitched waveringly. I had to do this. I had to save her. I had to protect her from…me. The trees seemed to scowl down at me, cursing me for the torrential words that were about to tear me up. _Bella, I don't want you to come with me._ My lips stung as the words passed through.

Had I just said that? I glanced frantically into Bella's eyes. And I could tell. Something fell behind Bella's eyes. God damn it. I had said it. I could almost see the white flag of defeat that waved behind her eyes. Her eyes…full of all of the innocence and rapture in the world, she diverted them quickly before turning them back onto me. They bore into my soul. I felt their honesty as they peered through me. I took another breath. The perfume slammed against me almost making me sway where I stood. I could feel the pounding heat behind my eyes. My limbs were shaking fiercely as I shoved my hands deep down into my pockets.

She asked if I didn't want her. I responded quickly, ripping the word fast, like a Band-Aid. _No._ That word was like a nail being driven through my heart. I could feel the dead weight of torture that spurted from the wound.It made me physically sick to think of it. Why hadn't she refuted that statement?

I was pretty sure that she was mentally unstable by this point. After all the times that I had told her that I loved her she accepted this? All of the millions of times that I had tried to describe to her how much she meant to me! And after all of that…with six small words I had won. But what had I gained in this victory? All of the torment hell had to offer…and a safer life for Bella. One rid of blood-sucking murderers and filthy stalkers who landed her in the hospital.

She noted that that changed things. Her voice rang clearly in my ears; I had to tell her that I still loved her…somehow. After a quick rant on how I was tired of pretending to be human her voice had fallen to a shaky whisper. Only one word was uttered from those swollen lips, _Don't. _

No need for silver stakes. This word pierced my heart as accurately as the first had. _Don't do this._ She mouthed desperately. A sudden tensing of my abdominal muscles made me exhale sharply.

God Bella don't you understand that I'm doing this for you!

I was more of a monster now than I had ever been. But this time I would leave Bella better than I had found her, and that would be without me. I clenched my jaw tighter, closed my fists further, and prayed harder.

I stared at her, freezing her flawless features into my memories. The opalescent glow of her skin, her eyes that reminded me of the bark of a redwood, the curve of her lips, the dip of her chin, the cascade of her sweet hair, the slope at the small of her back, the angle at which she crossed her thin arms, and her seductive scent.

I studied her as an antique, a priceless piece of a past to which I could never return. My heart made a sickening thud as it fell into my hips. I nearly collapsed onto the ground in agony. I could see the pain oozing from her as realization began to sink through her head. Every miniscule alteration in her expression stung me like a defective poison, targeting my heart. _You're not good for me, Bella. _I said flatly.

There was such truth to that statement. She wasn't good for me; she was too good for me. She was too good for any man, but me especially. I was a filthy parasite whose instinctual desires were as vile as they were dangerous, and as evil as they were unnatural. I had wasted so much of her time already, I had to make her move on, find someone new, someone better, someone safe. My insides twisted so fiercely that I nearly retched. A sticky gloom pulsed between my ribs darkening my vision by the second.

Her lips parted but she second guessed her words and shut her mouth again. It was almost impossible, standing there wanting to reach out and bask in her warmth, so close to her…and yet I felt so far. I was so far from her; she was so human, so perfect, and so beautiful. I was damned. She took a deep breath and her voice wavered. _If… that's what you want. _

What I want? What did I want? I wanted to fold her into my arms and carry her away from here. I wanted to carry away from this. I wanted to carry her away from what I am, what I would always be, my eternal prison, whose bars kept me from the one thing in the world I longed to hold to my chest. I nodded my head quickly, unemotionally, and painfully. Those bars seemed to materialize out of the humid air as I gazed back towards her face. Her crestfallen expression branded an excruciating burn into my core. In my mind I could see myself reaching through the barrier that existed between us, begging for forgiveness from her, from God. That maybe if I pleaded He may give me back my humanity and allow me to live out my life with the one I loved. And maybe if I pleaded with her she would understand that I loved her as the moon loves the stars, that she warmed me like the sun did the earth, and I needed her as roses needed thorns.

Every rose had thorns, things that kept people from getting too close to its beauty. Sometimes people couldn't help those thorns. My rose stood in front of me, that wonderful ruby color of petals pooling beneath her cheeks, so many thorns and only one really mattered. She was human; I was not. She had to be safe and I was dangerous.

_I love you so much Bella. _I wished suddenly that she were the one that could read minds. So that I could pour my soul to her, so that she would understand. I hoped that the past couple months, in which I confessed my fatal attachment to her, had sunk in.

But as I saw her falling in front of me, I knew that these few short words had torn her world apart. I was sobbing uncontrollably on the inside, and the only comfort I wished for stood just a few yards from my fingertips. _I need you. I'll always love you. Be Safe. _I wished again that she could read minds. I had written those words to her before, the first time I had left her. But this time I wasn't going to return. The hard rhythm of heat behind my eyes beat steadily as I decided to beg her one last time to stay safe, to take care of herself, to be smart…and careful, so very careful.

She was so fragile, so easily broken. And I had just crushed her in the center of my palm. I had never hated myself so much. I had never despised what I was, what I had become, as much as I did then. The acidic burn of that hate swarmed my insides, overwhelming my senses. _But Bella will be safe. _My external limbs relaxed minimally. My heart remained taut, barely housing the howl of grief that was about to extinguish me.

How could I do this? I couldn't leave her. I had to have her. I had to be near her. If I wasn't I might as well depart to whatever pathetic end the Gods felt was sufficient for vampires. But I couldn't while Bella still existed. I had to stay alive. I had to keep her safe. Even from a distance, Alice would see anything horrid before it happened and I could come back. Not contact her, or dilute her life with the infection that I was ever again, just make sure she was safe. Make sure that she was _alive._ One thing I could never be.

My breaths were sharp and uneven. I begged my chest to breathe normally. My thoughts swirled quickly through me. All of the images of this exquisite being flying into me, all of my sweet memories singing through my head. I almost fell to the ground with the force of them.

I knew this conversation was coming to an end. _No. Please. No. _With the finale to this unbelievable scene in the tragedy of my life; I would end. My heart would stay here with Bella, tied to her wrist, leaving me empty.

A fiery stab in the small of my back shoved the breath out of me. I asked myself and perversely hoped that she would be as empty without me. _No. _She would heal. Time would erase these memories, this awful nightmare that I had pressed upon her. The monsters in her dreams would finally leave her in peace, and the one that watched her sleep would suffer everyday of his life for what he had done.

_Please, please, please._ I begged the only Lord I knew hitting my fists against the walls of this prison. For she had been too perfect for him, the villain never deserves the princess. And when he tricks the system and endangers that princess, looming fatally above her precious life, he must endure the severe pain of that loss. The suffering began with a white-hot bolt that struck my chest, and nearly drove me into the ground. _No please don't do this to me. _I pleaded with my mind trying to reason myself into staying, to succumbing to the ambrosial light of the being in front of me.

But my kind was doomed to the darkness, that light never belonged to us, just always shone brightly a slightly out of our reach.

_Never forget that my world has no sun without you Bella. You'll always be my heart. _I whispered through my eyes, hoping that she could read me. Because my story would always consist of her, and only her, now and until she died. For when she died I would leave this world as well. No use existing as a candle when your flame has gone out.

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_Author's note- I hope you let me know what you thought of it. _


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